mischief, mayhem & pornography: October 2005

Dostal's Halloween 2005 Pictures

Sunday, October 30, 2005 > Trackback URL

And here are Dostal's pictures...

Anonymous : i'm surprised there is no one asleep under that pull out sofa with how packed that room is

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Halloween Party 2005

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Here's the gallery...

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My phone was stolen...

Saturday, October 29, 2005 > Trackback URL

Some fuck stole my phone...
That means I don't have a phone. If you call me, I can't answer. The phone has beeen declared stolen. If you're the asshole that has stolen my cell piece, I hope you burn in hell.

And just to make sure I douche the person over, I had the phone's ESN added to the stolen phone list. If someone tries to activate the handset they will be met by a friendly representative of the law enforcement community. Enjoy.

Anonymous : where was it stolen from?

that blows!

Anonymous : dude this was fricking hilarious... nice

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The basement is almost ready.

Friday, October 28, 2005 > Trackback URL

The stage is almost ready. Setting up the lighting and dj booth now. See you here tomorrow!

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Hurricane Survival Checklist

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In a further attempt to make the people of the south more prepared for hurricanes, we here at MMP have formulated this simple checklist for you to follow so you can be better prepared for future emergencies.

Toilet Paper........................................check
Bud Light...........................................check
Keystone Ice........................................check
Budweiser...........................................check
Red Dog.............................................check
Natural.............................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol......................check
Piece of plywood to float your chick and booze on...check

Anonymous : i know that guy!

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Summit Ski & Sports Rail Jam Pics

Wednesday, October 26, 2005 > Trackback URL

As some of you are aware, I was at a rail jam put on my Summit Ski & Sports in Framingham, Mass this past weekend. I took a couple hundred pics and figured I would give you a glimpse at some of the good ones I took that day. Most of the pics came out allright, the problem was with the skiers. It was a friggin junk show, nobody had any style which meant I had to rely on some pretty creative camera angles. So, check out some of these pics I shot this past wknd.

View the gallery from Summit Ski & Sports

Anonymous : Is that smog in the picture?

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Jody comes home... Again.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005 > Trackback URL

Jody came home again this past weekend to interview for a job at Abbott. Figured while she was back we should make the most of our time by drinking so heavily we forgot what happened. If it wasn't for this photographic evidence that we were actually hanging out with her we would have forgotten about the entire evening.

You can go right ahead and view the entire gallery by clickin' right here.

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End Embarrasing Leaks!

Monday, October 24, 2005 > Trackback URL

Are you suffering from embarrasing leaks? Are you losing your confidence in social situations? Do you constantly piss/shit your pants in public? Well, my friends this is the product for you! Waterproof pants, perfect for day and night protection.

Ok, all bullshit aside... Who wants to wear waterproof pants? It is pretty much just going to pool up in your crotch so you're walking around with a bag of your own feces securely fastened to your nether regions.

Just do what everyone else does, get soeme Depends and diaper it up.

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A Good Pic Of The Duke

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Friday night I had the SLR out for some boozin shots. I figured we haven't seen a head shot of the Duke here in MMP for a while so it was due time to show his mug in here. Here is the Duke, he's pictured right behind the finger.

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4:00 AM Ramen, in a skillet.

Sunday, October 23, 2005 > Trackback URL

So last night, after playing DJ and drinking my face off for a few hours at the 8 Winn Road party I decided it was time for a little 4:00 AM drunken feast. What was on the menu you may be wondering... You guessed it, ramen. I know what you're thinking right now, big deal,ramen noodles. The meal in itself was nothing out of the ordinary, the preparation was.

While rummaging through the kitchen at 8 Winn Road I saw a mother load of ramen noodles in a cupboard, so instantaneously I was on a mission for some sort of pot. I searched high and low, couldn't find any sort of pot to cook these damn noodles in. I dnd manage to find a skillet, that was when I had a MacGuyver moment

I had a few onlookers that were doubting my culinary skills simply because it is ludacris to prepare noodles in a skillet. Little did they know that I went Hell's Kitchen on these noodles and threw down a meal of epic proportions.

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Skiing in October.

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Yes, there is skiing in October. Details and 144 more images coming soon.

Anonymous : ghetto fab fo sho

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Flooding + $40,000 SUV = Fun

Friday, October 21, 2005 > Trackback URL

Ok, so last weekend we had record rainfall, flooding and all together shit-tacular weather. The streets were flooded, homes were being swept away, cars were up to their hoods in water and everything just pretty much sucked alltogether... Or did it?

Rusty, Duke and I were having a lazy hangover afternoon on Saturday and figured it would be cool to pile into the Duke's new $40,000 Nissan Murano to go check out all the mayhem and destruction that this record rainfall has caused. In the process we found that 1/3 of the streets were flooded and that Justin's SUV had enough ground clearance to pass most of them. So, what does he do... He starts driving like a madman through almost 2 feet of water with his brand new SUV. Nice tactics Duke. I think Rusty put it best...

You know man, we never really grow up. Just think about it, when we were little kids we'd be doing almost the same thing. But instead of doing it on your bike, you're using your brand new $40,000 SUV. -Rusty

So, here's a little clip of the Duke, driving like a lunatic through a flooded street with the Murano. He thought he would be slick by trying to hose me off with 3,233,567 metric tons of water but I quickly avoided the situation with some fancy footwork.

[Quicktime required for Download. Video is 82k in size.]

Anonymous : This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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Wild weekend ahead...

Thursday, October 20, 2005 > Trackback URL

Big weekend planned, lots of travelling, lots of fun. Lots of gas...

Friday night, Jodi is coming home. Headed out for a night of dinner and drinks. Probably get too drunk and end up spending too much money. We sort of remember what it was like the last time she came home...
Saturday, pre-season rail jam at Summit Ski Shop outside of Boston. That's right, a rail jam. There will be snow.
Saturday night, Octoberfest for the 8winnroad.com party. Going to be very drunk. Have to drive all the way up to Maine for this one! I'll have the D-SLR up at the party, so you can check either MMP or 8winn for real time updates.
Sunday afternoon, drive up to my new seasonal rental up near Sunday River. Going to see what I need to bring up this winter to keep myself entertained on the weekends. I'm pretty much going to be there every weekend from November til the first weekend of May.
Sunday night, make the 220 mile ride home to Rhode Island and fall flat on my face into my bed.

Looks like it is going to be crazy, keep checking MMP. I'll have the lappy and phone to bring you some outrageous MMP updates.

DMo : I'm banking on at least one invite to that new bunkbed-ridden rental of yours.

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From Amanda : Winter Dave.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005 > Trackback URL

So Amanda sends me an e-mail tonight...

Going through my pics, from SR last spring... MMP material so people can see the "winter dave" hahaha.

So yeah, here is "Winter Dave". He's not much of a booz-a-holic as spring & summer Dave, more of a ski-a-holic. Here's what he's all about... shooting photos, rockin' the goggle tan and givin' you copious amounts of baditude.

So, to those of you that have been partying with me over the past 6 months... See you later. Come November 11th, I'll be gone every weekend until May 1st.

And now that I've rented a house for the whole winter at Sunday River you can pretty much count me out of every local social event.

Only 3 more weeks to party, then I'm out.

DMo : I for one, appreciate anoynmous' honesty.

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Halloween Costume Party, Oct 29th.

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Listen up people. Big Halloween party at Rusty's place on October 29th. Come dressed in a costume, drink beer and rock out to a live band. I'm going to see what I can do about getting some sort if ice luge there so we can rapidly consumer alcohol. Here is a little list of the items that we'll be having there...

Keg(s).
250+ jello shots.
Live band.
Laser light show.
Power hour DVD.

If you're coming to the party, please RSVP here by posting a comment so we can get a headcount. If you don't RSVP, you won't be let in and we'll throw rocks at you. Unless you're an attractive member of the opposite sex, in which case you'll be treated like gold and expected to perform certain sexual favors for us.

[Click on the invitation to enlarge.]

Anonymous : woah woah woah....only 1 keg? c'mon boys

Anonymous : i will be there with bells on - pfeif

btw, that keg(s) better be plural, we saw what happened b4 when u only had 1 keg and powerhour dave

Anonymous : i will so go..and i'll wear a "costume"

Anonymous : This party will rock the house

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Silent Auction Items

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 > Trackback URL

Ok, first up... Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been pretty busy this week and haven't had much time for MMP. Sorry, but until you guys start donating heavily or buyin shit from my store I just don't see the incentive to providing you with free entertainment.

That being said, this one take a bit of explanation. WARNING, this one requires you to read, so you illiterate bastards that just like to see funny pictures will want to tune out right now.

Ok, so last night I was at a swanky charity benefit dinner for a local charity. Ya know, one of those stuck up events with heads of state, people of importance and all of a sudden, WHAM there I am pretending to be all respectable and important. When you walked in, you immediately saw this massive board of items that you could bid on. Guess they were having some sort of silent auction, I would have participated but I completely forgot my monacle at home. I was perusing this massive list of items and came across some interesting things to bid on...

Basket full of goods.
Enjoy some wine.
Halloween's Comin'
Cocktails Anyone?
More than a massage!

Wow, now that's a friggin prize to bid on. I could be wrong here, but I'm pretty sure they're talking about a happy ending massage. So congratulations to lucky winner #200, you won yourself some sort of handjob.

Chris : I hear that's legal in Rhode Island.

Anonymous : You would be surprised what is legal in this backwater state.

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Charlie's Ass.

Sunday, October 16, 2005 > Trackback URL

Ok, so we're playin beruit at Rusty's place tonight... Needless to say, Rusty and I were dominating the table. So, we were engaged in a clash of the titans against Charlie and Jenkins, down to the last cup, stakes were high, reputations were on the line. Charlie decided that he needed a hail mary play and whipped out "white thunder" AKA, the whitest, hariest cheeks east of the Mississippi.

Rusty then put on a game face that would scare most schoolchildren and continued to drain the last cup like a pubic hair in the shower. Game over. Chuck, why don't you pack up your balls and leave.

Digital & Rusty: 3
Charlie & Jenkins :1

Yeah, Masters of the Universe. We win. Nice try on the whole man ass distraction Chuck.

I'm drunk.

Traci : Thanks for the pic, Dave. Now I'll have a mental image to conjur if I ever need to throw up on demand.

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White water rafting, anyone?

Saturday, October 15, 2005 > Trackback URL

This is what happens when it rains for 11 straight days in a row. A mild mannered babbling brook is transformed into a raging white water adventure with water flowing at around 50-mph. Streets were flooded, houses were under water, cars were submerged, stores were closed and people couldn't stand being cooped up in their houses anymore so they ventured out to take a gander at what the hell was going on with our local streams and tributaries.

This water was flowing so fast and heavy that it washed out a yacht club around 100 yards away and knocked over some docks. Pretty intense. Some other locals decided that it would be a sweet idea to jump off the bridge to see if they could float on the insane current, those idiots were saved by the Coast Guard.

I'll snag you guys a pic of the water in a couple weeks so you can see what it is normally like. This was freakin mental.
Hey, at least it isn't going to rain tomorrow. Just 50 MPH winds! Niiiiiice.

Posted by Picasa

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MIke Donates $10 to the Shenanigans mirror.

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So last night, Mike, Duke, Rusty, Chris and I decided to have an impromptu drinking session to celebrate the 11 straight days of rain that we've been having. So, during this process we play some beruit, crush some beers and essentially drink every last drop of frothy ale that was in my refrigerator. At this point, The Duke stepped it up bigtime and dontated a handle of Bacardi to the cause so we all contined to down the bottle until it was a mere shadow of its former self. Several shots later we're all absolutly shithammered and outside on the back porch, this is when The Duke decided it would be a fantastic idea to whip up several packages of ramen and serve us some 3:00 AM noodles. Great idea Duke, as a matter of fact, Mike thought it was such an amazing idea he went ahead and donated a $10 spot to Shenanigans marked "3:00 AM Ramen", outstanding Michael, that's how you fucking debate.

Kudos to The Duke for the 3:00 AM ramen noodles.

Anonymous : i missed the fun :(

Anonymous : YAHTZEE

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Copper Mountain, here I come.

Friday, October 14, 2005 > Trackback URL

Copper Mountain better watch out, because I'll be there the first week of January.
It's going to be a wild time, McBain, Nick, Ryan and I will be stayin' in a condo at Copper for the week and skiing 4 days! I'd like to head over to Vail and Breckenridge for a day, we'll see how that goes. I can't wait til' the first week of January!

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Taste the Sweet & Salty Nut Bar!

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Something tells me they didn't pass this product thought any sort of focus group before naming it. However, from what I've heard... It's a huge fan with the ladies. They just can't get enough of that sweet & salty nut!

Run to your local supermarket to procure this fantastic item. Unwrap a smile and jam one of these in your face hole.

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Introducing 8winnroad.com and... errr, uhh... Rob?

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The MMP network of blogs expands with www.8winnroad.com, this one is brought to you by Adam Szafran and the crazy mo-fo's at 8 Winn Road in Cumberland, Maine. For those of you that don't know who Adam is, or all about, stay tuned to www.8winnroad.com . Robby B. is a guest blogger over there along with Adam. I'm sure they will be making daily posts that will be highly entertaining. Mainly boozing shots, ladies, general mayhem, etc. Should be a good time, add it to your bookmarks.

Speaking of updates, look at this retarded Euro-trash pic of rob that they threw up there. Simply stunning. Cheezy red lighting, drawn on stash and soul patch, Lenny Kravitz glasses, pouty lips. Yep, this pic is flaming. Oddly enough, this is Rob's Sunday River season pass, ha.

Better head over to www.8winnroad.com for the full explanation.
Life's great at the 8.

[Make sure to also visit xplicitproductions.com, Mike's amazing blog.]

Anonymous : gay

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Scouting for "camel toads" at pool.

Thursday, October 13, 2005 > Trackback URL

This sounds like something my mom would submit to a readers column in a magazine / newspaper. Ha. Like the one time, she found my brother's wallet in the laundry and noticed circular impressions through the leather. She almost died inside because he was like 13 years old and thought that her sweet, innocent baby was packing some condoms. She didn't want to invade his privacy but decided to open up his wallet to find out exactly what they were. Turns out they were pogs, yep, remember those. The circular things you slap with a piece of metal. Yep, no condoms, just pogs. Ohh T-Unit, such great MMP material.

So, take a look at this article. A distressed god mother was worried about a letter that her godson had written to a friend while staying at her house. I almost shat myself when I read this...

Question:
I hope you can help me with a problem I have with my godson. Last summer he visited me for two weeks and plans to return in July. When cleaning out the room he stays in, I found an unfinished correspondence to a chum in his hometown. In it he says he is going to our local pool to "scout some camel toads" (I believe thats's what it said, he had spilled some iced tea all over the desk when writing it and it damaged a lot of the papers.) I'm concerned he is doing drugs.

I tried to look for camel toads in a drug book, and I didn't find them, but I found references to some type of frog that people in another country lick to hallucinate. I don't want to approach him on this until I have more information.
He is a good boy in middle school whose parents do not even drink. Please let me know what camel toads are and how I might be able to tell if he is smoking, taking or locking them.

Perhaps I should have talked to his parents, but I don't want to jump the gun. Is this something the local authorities need to be alerted to in order to protect other patrons at the pool or surrounding area?

A concerned and uninformed reader.

Answer:
The iced tea did a number on the toads, so my younger, hipper coworkers tell me. what he undoubtedly wrote was "camel toes", a crude euphemism for; well, too tight pants worn by females.

The good news is that the expression has absolutely nothing to do with drugs. It has everything to do with why teenage boys go to the pool in the first place.

[special thanks to smitty for this amazing image.]

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New iPod's today.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005 > Trackback URL

New iPod's today. Yes, they do video. Yes, they are smaller than before. No, they will not cost you an arm and a leg. You'll be able to download episodes of some of your favorite TV shows, upload your own pornographic home movies, etc. More details to come as they leak out from the Apple event, which is currently in progress.

I'll have a non asian product shot up as soon as apple.com does their lil' refresh in a couple of hours.

Mike Thomas: you think that apple will set up an account with me in the future so that anytime they release something new, it just gets shipped to me and they take the money out of an account

[image courtesey of tech megasite engadget.com]

Anonymous : Nobody cares you friggin geek. Tell you what though: if you blog a shot of you getting some ass using that IPod, and no Walsh doesn't count, then I'll be impressed with this baby.

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Science, working hard, so you don't have to.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005 > Trackback URL

Ok, sometimes I just can't get over the marketing brilliance of the firm that Bud-Light uses. Here is a commercial that you just need to see to believe. It shows the crack team of scientists at Bud Light laboratories create a special cup of auto steaming coffee that you can leave on your desk so people actually think you're at work. Simply set the timer to go off Monday morning at 8:00 AM (a whole 30 minutes before anyone else shows up at work) and that way when people peek their heads into your office on Monday morning they will see a piping hot cup of coffee and assume that you came in early.

Speical thanks to Smitty for blasting this one into my inbox on an otherwise dreary Tuesday morning.

Download (.wmv | 1.3mb)

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Go ahead, wear a tie to the bar,

Monday, October 10, 2005 > Trackback URL

Ok, so we were all drinking and having a lil' beruit tournament last night at Walsh's place. That's when Walsh decides it would be a good idea for us to all wear ties out to the bar. Why not, I was already rocking a collared shirt, fancy (houndstooth) pants, and a hooded button up sweater so the tie was just a natural fit... And when you're hammered, strategically placed items like a tie / funny hat / track pants, etc. just seem to be a good idea.

So, Pfifer, Walsh, Katie and I headed off to Tonic to have a few beverages. We all had a good time, I got to meet some really cool people, and headed off to The Last Drop with my new friends.

The night was cut a bit short when Walsh was denied entrance to The Last Drop because he "was staggering", so we headed back to Walsh's place to call it a night.

The next morning we awoke to a disaster area, we were apparently shooting out the lights with a bb gun because it was easier than turning the switches off, broken glass was everywhere, the living room had pizza boxes strewn about and for some reason I was sleeping in around half a pound of pork fried rice. FEMA actually came in several minutes later and declared Walsh's apartment a federal disaster area.

A good time was had by all, especially me ;-)

Chris Porter : just to let you know, every person working at tonic probably wanted to set you on fire. and i know the people at the last drop...you didnt not get in because youre friend was staggering, you didnt get in because they probably saw you coming down the street and thought you all looked like walking douchbags and would rather lose out on a profit than serving you anything. just an fyi.

Anonymous : Dave - I am not going to lie to you, but that activity ranks right up there with this kid featured here http://www.factualmaterial.com/douchebag.htm - I would honestly rather see you wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt - wearing a shitty tie and shirt into a bar is simply your attempt to stand out and say "hey, check us out...we probably have better jobs than most of you" but in reality every single person in that bar probably looked at you and said "look at these fucking douchebags that just walked in!" Now, if that was the reaction you were going for...godspeed! From Hatfield with love, Todd

Dave Amirault : Doubtful, at tonic the dress is pretty upscale. If you walked in with a hoodie and a tie people would probably want to throw gasoline all over you.

Hey, porter... I got into the last drop just fine. Then again I did show up after evyerone else and with a taxicab full of girls.

Anonymous : "we were apparently shooting out the lights with a bb gun because it was easier than turning the switches off"

hahahahaha

Dave Amirault : At least I don't wear freakin cowboy boots or a dumb cowboy hat.

Anonymous : I can't believe you clowns did that. Wearing ties to the bar is for poor people.

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Walsh and mini me.

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So Walsh thought it would be a good idea to play dress up with Katie before they went out to the bar. So, here they are, matching all sorts of clothing. Didn't know they were going to the bar to discuss investment banking with all the patrons, but hey, thats what they do.

Anonymous : "Suit Up!"

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Welcome (back) to depression.

Friday, October 07, 2005 > Trackback URL

You can pretty much leave this one on your cubical/office door/back/car/dorm/suicide note. Enjoy. See you in spring training.

I'm going to go drink myself into oblivion now. Late.

Just fucking download it. (.pdf format)

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Fuck.

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Fuck. We lost. We deserved to loose. Way to ruin a perfectly good season.
If you need me, I'll be drowning myself in alcohol.

[image courtesey of bostondirtdogs.com ]

Anonymous : it should be why did we win a world series not
*we*

Anonymous : Hi Dave, let's see you play some baseball. They may have lost, but I bet they would kick your butt if you went to Fenway and tried to play against them.

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I've gotten very Sirius.

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Ok, I couldn't wait any longer. I finally broke down and got satellite radio. I don't know why I waited so damn long, this thing is amazing. There are almost too many channels to keep track of, seriously.

Anonymous : I know of a neat gadget with no monthly fees and guess what, you listen to ANY song you want at that MOMENT which a click of a button. It's called an Ipod. You might have heard of it.

Anonymous : You loser, XM's better :P
Whatever ya like, they're both light years better than FM

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We need a sweep.

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This one pretty much speaks for itself. We've got the best record at home this season, let's show the White Sox that by taking two at home and one in Chi-town.

We Need A Sweep (.pdf 32.0kb)

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Another disappointing sign.

Thursday, October 06, 2005 > Trackback URL

Download the : "I am not talking about Graff's gaffe" sign and hang it with pride outside your office / cubical / domicile / automobile / tattoo studio / strip club / place of business / methadone clinic, etc.

Download the .pdf file here : 32kb download.

As always, if you are rocking one of these, please shoot us a picture of it to dave@ozskier.com and you just may find your image here in MMP.

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Clement allows five runs in the first freaking inning, then goes on to pitch a real gem of a game, allowing the White Sox to essentially gang-rape his pitches. The White Sox go on to stomp us out 14-2.

Yeah, people at work were wondering why I wasn't talking about baseball today so I made a handy-dandy sign to hang on the door to my office. Feel free to download the sign below and hang it up in your cube, on your office door, hell, even tape it to your freakin back. That way, everyone in the office will know to walk right past you when they wanna bring up what transpired last night...

Download The Sign - .pdf format (31kb)

Be sure to send us a picture of the sign if you have it hanging up in your office to dave@ozskier.com !!!

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Ask Jeeves, seriously, ask him!

Sunday, October 02, 2005 > Trackback URL

Jeeves knows everything!

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Great shirt

Saturday, October 01, 2005 > Trackback URL

I do it with my sox on. Great shirt. Need to get that one.

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