So, Chuck got hammered on Friday night and passed out on the couch while we were all very alert and hammered. Not a great idea, Chuck. I think Rob got the great idea to start balancing objects on his forehead. Here you see the fake pear from Rusty's fake fruit bowl on his kitchen table. It is a good thing Rusty lives with girls, if he had a fake fruit bowl and only dudes lived at his place it would be uber flaming...

And here we have Charlie balancing a can of Budweiser on his head...

Proof that Louisiana is full of retards. Look at the spelling of PERSONALIZED at the top of the plate. Credit Jamehec for stealing it from pl8s.com and sending it in, if you use it. Incidentally, the plate is for sale. Just USD$46.00 and it's yours. Bye for now, Jamehec

Rob doesn't really know that it isn't all that polite to point... Or be an ass to women. But it sure is funny

Well isn't this post latently homo-erotic.
Here's Rob, getting plowed into a snowbank without his shirt on by Nags and Walsh. At least I think that's Walsh. It is kind of hard to tell with his face firmly planted in Rob's crotch. Then again, the more I think about it... Yep, that's Walsh

Wow, even more boobs in the blog? Damn.
Is it bad that I don't even remember the face attached to them? Ohh well, Leitrims has that effect on me. Damn dollar drafts are like my kryptonite..

Walsh has some brass ones, he actually wore this shirt out of the house.

Some of you may remember it from this years Amirault X-Mas Yankee Swap. It was quite the score , I usually end up with something really lame like a stuffed santa or some crap like that.

You most certainly are "The Man" Walsh. I'm not too sure about being "The Legend". I guess we can all ask Rob... He'll know.

Almost forgot to plug Walsh's blog...
walsh.textamerica.com>

Walshaholic8: yeah dude, i aint gay man
OZSkier: hahah your face was in his crotch
Walshaholic8: cause he fell on me

Ohh no guys, MMP is starting to trip content filters. Those of you viewing from offices running WebSense and SonicWall content filtering devices may not be able to read MMP soon. You poor bastards...

I knew it was only a matter of time before "the man" would hold us down.

Congratulations, you're MMP's Ass-Clown Of The Day.

“God has already cleared me,” Owens told the assembled hordes that had come to find out if he would be able to play on his surgically repaired ankle. “It doesn’t matter what the doctor said. I have the best doctor in God.”

I’ve heard of God is my co-pilot, but God is my orthopedist?

Ok, so you never know what you're going to find on television when you have over 300 channels of non stop entertainment. Here's a prime example of that, Church-TV. What a fantastic idea for those landmonsters that can't quite make it out of the house to worship their god and sing in the priaises of their faith. Why wake up early, throw on your poncho / mu-mu , schlep halfway across town to your place of worship when you can simply tune into channel 887 or whatever rediculous number it is to join in on services like this!

Look how entertaining and moving it is, there are all sorts of haggered people that can't walk, have leporacy, some sort of terminal illness or are plain out busted up individuals that somehow get miraculously healed when Reverend Joey Buttafuco over here places his hands on their forehead and urges the spirit to move the person. BAM, they're up, screaming, dancing, doing the freakin electric slide thanks to this ass-clown and the holy spirit. Man, if church was like this maybe more people would go, but then again church would be on the same educational and mental plane as the WWE (Formerly WWF). C'mon guys, you all know that it is fake. Spiritual healers, church on tv, the WWE...

But don't let that stop you from shelling out your $29.95 to get your own Miracle Water. Drink it down, brush your teeth in it, use it as some sort of IV drip, make ice cubes out of it and have them with a nice gin and tonic. It will be the best $29.99 you ever spent! Call now!

WHOAH, major update to the MIRACLE WATER entry!
Call the freakin phone number, it is working now. Reverend Bob's answering machine picks up and asks for your name, number, home address, etc. It sounds like he's going to send a Catholic hit squad after you. Creepy stuff. Seriously, call the number now if you want a good laugh or if you want a free sample of miralcle water. I'm going to have some shipped here to the office, I'll be blogging it once it arrives.

Call the number, if you get no response it is because the line is overloaded. Seriously, people are calling 24-7 for their miracle water.
800.390.7234

Now, once you get in your miracle water, here is a list of possible things you can do with it...

* Become the son of god.
* Fly like superman.
* Cure leporacy.
* Eat an entire sleeve of saltines without having any water.
* Tear a phone book in half.
* Cure cancer.
* Miraculously end world hunger.
* Mock ordinary water for its lameness.

Of course, what you do with Miracle Water is completely up to you. Please do not use Miracle Water for evil.

What are you guys going to do with your Miracle Water?

The blog has hit a new level in geekness...

Went to Vermont this weekend, froze my tits off.
Here's a nice snapshot of the digital thermometer at the Herberger residence, as you can see, it was very cold out this morning. This picture didn't take into account the blisteringly cold windchill. The wind was gusting 35-45 miles per hour that day, making it a balmy -66.69927654392393 outside. I'm pretty sure the temperature would have continued to drop unitl it reached absolute zero (-459) but the wind died down, thus allowing all molecular movement to commence.

The one good thing was that this was right as the storm started to whip up and dump 20 inches down on Mount Snow... Thankfully I've got just about every layer that EMS sells so I was layering up on the neoprene, gore-tex, North Face, etc. I was using hand and toe warmers like they were going out of style. I had for of those bad larrys in my glovies. At one point I noticed that steam was coming off of the palm of my hand, it was freakin money. Starbucks should attach those things to their coffee so they never get cold, then I could see paying $4 for a freakin drink, you know, as long as it never got cold.

Whoah, this post went waaayyyyyyyyyy off topic.

Enough said, it was cold, people that don't know what Goretex XCR and layering was all about froze into a solid brick and shattered into pieces, a-la Terminator 2 style with the liquid nitrogen.

So, many of you are aware that I deal exclusively with Dell for all my hardware, software and peripherals.

Today, I got in so much product that they sent a special logistics carrier to deliver it. UPS, DHL and FedEx didn't have local trucks that could empty a couple of palates of gear so they sent a special truck. Here's a picture of my office, or what is left of it.

It seems that every time I turn around there's just one more box from Dell coming in. I'm starting to have nightmares about start menus and express service codes.

But wait, there's more. The Dell piles are starting to take over key strategic points in the office. They're blocking access to supplies, coffee, doors and water! I think the boxes are plotting a secret revolt against the employees here...

Dell stack near the back door of the office and blocks the exit in case of an emergency.

Dell blocks access to the supply closet, setting off a chain reaction of empty staplers and pencils without lead

A 131 pound server box blocks access to the water cooler and mail boxes, employees go thirsty for days, some die from lack of hydration.

So, as you can see, Dell is slowly overtaking my entire office with product and setting off a chain reaction of office supply droughts and employee fatigue.

I'm going to get in another truckload of equipment later this week, that should just about fill the 1st floor of the building...

Shout out to our Dell rep, Kyle for the insane service he's been hooking us up with for the past year.
(Ohh man, I just gave shout outs to our Dell rep. This is a new level of dorkitude for MMP.)

So Cait went to the eye doctor today and had her pupils dialated. Now that may seem like no big deal, but check out these uber cool shades that she got to wear for the remainder of the afternoon. These things pop like turbo and reek of 80's splendor. Wow, how hot are those. They don't even need to go around your ears, they just know to stay on and look awesome.

I bet that self-loving, hippie preaching a-hole from U2 has shades like this. Yeah, I'm talkin' about Bono. These seem right up his alley.

Random hand on boob shot. Livestrong.

Some of you remember the bum that I encountered while in Key West and how completely honest his signage was. Well, here's another bum that is just trying to keep it real. It seems that Ninjas killed his entire family and he needs donations so he can get kung fu lessons so he can avenge their deaths. Fantastic. Here is a dollar.

What I don't understand about this picture is why he has smiley faces in there. If Ninjas killed his entire family shouldn't he be upset or vengeful? I mean, c'mon guy, a smiley face. I would put a smiley with an eye patch and katana blades or something. Then people could at least understand how freakin pissed off you are at this ragtag bunch of ninjas that wasted your entire family with their superhuman kung-fu grip.

And while you're at it, get your fat ass on a treadmill. I've never seen a 300 pound ninja. Your fat ass would destroy a grappling hook, lets not mention how the element of stealth is completely negated by the floor creaking due to your enormous poundage. Put down the sandwiches.

Just a suggestion.

Ohh yeah, by the way. The image of the Key West bum can be found here...
http://ozskier.textamerica.com/?r=1850401

Special thanks to Roger for shooting this pic over to the blog. Although I've got a sneaking suspicion that he didn't take this with his camera... Looks like someone was fishing around on the net. Either way, thanks dudette!
http://rprata.textamerica.com

Hey guys,
As many of you know, I'm starting to head down the treacherous road of shameless self promotion and merchandising. I'm trying to make the schwag we're going to sell as offensive and cool as possible, so here you see the concept for the "If you're Ugly" pillowcase. What do you guys think?

These will probably sell for around $8-12 and will be available in white with black lettering. These are a must have for all college students. I should have a better idea on pricing and availability once I straighten out some of the symantics with the screenprinter.

What do you guys think? Would you be interested in stuff like this?

So I show up at a clients today and I need to do a little configuration on their Sonicwall VPN firewall appliance, no big deal, and I see this clusterf*ck of cat5 cable and power cords.

Allright, if SpiderMan shot networking cable instead of web this is what it would look like. Dear lord is this a mess.

There was actually the body of the old IT guy tangled up in some of the cables. I guess he got tangled up and died of dehydration in the network closet and nobody really noticed. I'm going to be here for a while fixing this freakin mess...

Thanks to Brian K. for this Hummer related news story...

Mary Kay Cosmetics saleswoman Barbara Bulroney won a big pink Hummer for leading the southeast Midwest region in sales for the fourth year in a row. The Cincinnati, Ohio resident says that she loves it so much, she wishes she could give one to all her friends and adds she doesn't see why people find that so funny.

Thanks again to Brian for the lead on this story. Head on over to his site if you dare...

Figured I would show you guys a more clear pic of what sunset is like at Huntington Beach. It is such a trip that you can be at the feet of the mountains and then 45 minutes later be at the beach.

Here's another view from my hotel room. California is a wild place man. 75 degrees down in the valley and snow and 20 degrees up there. It is like everything great about skiing, but you don't have to live in the crappy cold weather to enjoy it. Wow. Now I've just got to get used to the whole earthquake thing...

This is the greatest amusement park ride ever constructed by man.

I give you SUPERMAN THE ESCAPE at Six Flags, Magic Mountain. For those of you that aren't in the know, let me break down what this ride does. It starts out flat, goes 0-100 miles per hour in less than 7 seconds and then throws you up a 41 story incline at that 100 miles per hour until you eventually slow down and fall back to Earth at 100 miles per hour, backwards. It is the greatest rush ever. The acceleration throws your head back into the seat so fast they have warnings all over the place telling you to firmly place your head on the headrest.

Well, since you guys couldn't be there I waited in the line so I could get the front seat and then whipped out the digital camera and took a video so you could see what the ride is like. The download is an .avi and is 6 megs large. Broadband users will have no problem with it at all. The ride goes so fast the camera didn't have a chance to white-balance!!!!!

Download the video of me and the Duke riding Superman, The Escape! | 6.0 MB, 30 seconds.

The best hand-job in town!

Guys, no trip down the Sunset Strip in Hollywood would be complete without visiting the Huster Superstore.

I highly suggest you all take a minute out of your day to mosey on in and check the place out. They have a great coffee shop, wonderful adult novelty and of course the coolest t-shirts on the strip. Ohh yeah, they sell movies... I'm talking about pornos.

Ha ha ha. They also have a Hustler Casino. I wish we had the time for that tonight, it would rule. Ohh well, time to leave the strip and head back to the hotel in Ontario, Ca.

Guys, I honestly don't know what to type here...
Duke and I were on the Sunset Strip over in Hollywood and we headed to the Hustler Superstore and they had a fantastic assortment of adult novelty and apparel.

Justin selected this marvelous shirt. What do you ladies think?

Here's the Los Angeles skyline...
Some of you from back East may be wondering why they only have a few sky scrapers. They have EARTHQUAKES here people. Imagine something the size of the Empire State Building experiencing a 7.5 quake. Huge city, not much of a skyline. Awesome weather.

I'll post some more entertainging commentary later, I just wanted to send some pics into the blog ASAP while I'm here in So-Cal.

Ok, so in one day I've seen the sun rise on the Atlantic and then set on the Pacific. How many of you can say that you've seen that?!?!?!

California is amazing, we went from the mountains to the beach in less than an hour. Now we're off to Los Angeles and Hollywood! I'll post some pics later.

Does the fact that I understand and look at diagrams like this in my spare time make me a geek?

Just an FYI to you guys, Microsoft just scored some huge deals this week with some cable providers to release Microsoft Tv Foundation 1.5. This now means that microsoft will be involved in set top box (Cable box) design and content distribution to your television.

You can now look forward to such things like

* Rebooting your television.
* Having to perform Windows Updates on your Television.
* Having to install popup blocking to your television.
* Having the show you are watching suddenly freeze up.
* Seeing the blue screen of death while watching a re-run of Seinfeld off of your TiVo and j
* Having your TV expereince suck in general.

Way to go Microsoft, what's next... Windows XP - Toilet Edition?! Ohh wait, every edition of Windows XP is toilet based... Pure crap.

Now that is a spree!

Round Statistics : Team Slayer : NicotineForKids (My Xbox GamerTag)
Killing Spree : 17 Kills in a row.
Number Of Deaths : 1
Number Of Total Kills : 27
Number Of Medals : 27
Average Life : 17:35
Weapon Of Choice : Plasma Sword

Angelli and I were playing some Halo deuce over xbox live Friday night before I left for SO-Cal, we played a team slayer round where I racked up a 17 kill streak and died only once in the entire round. We were playing 4 on 4 in a 50 kill match. I managed to rack up 27 of the 50 killes needed for the 4 of our team members and only died once. I put on an owning session.

The statistics were mind blowing, my accuracy was well above 50%, my medal count was 27 (unheard of) and I only died once in a 15-20 minute battle. I was unstoppable.

Bring it, my xbox gamertag is "NicotineForKids"

Here's the view from the hotel room in Ontario, CA. Cali is amazing, seriosuly, look at these mountains. They are so freakin high. It is snowing like crazy at high elevations and then it is 75 and sunny down here in the vally. I love this place. We're off to the beach right now, it is less than an hour away! Can you believe that, you can be on a surfboard in the morning and skis in the afternoon. I've got to move. Now I just need to get used to the whole earthquake thing...

Here's a pic from the early stages of sunset from Huntington Beach in California.

I've had a crazy day. I've seen the sun rise on the Atlantic and it set on the Pacific. I've been on a plane for over 8 hours and I've spent over 4 hours sitting around an airport. I've also had 4 bags of miniature peanuts and seen two crappy in flgiht movies. I had the exit row for two flights in a row and my seats didn't recline at all. At least a I had a crapload of legroom. The one downfall was that I didn't have a tray-table for either flights. That kind of sucks when you're toting around a lappy with a 15.4 inch widescreen display.

On a side note, props to Delta for upgradiing my seats on both flights. That was awesome. I'd rather be in the emergency exit row than the last row of the plane with half the legroom and seats that didn't recline.

Boarding the plane for California... Well, not really. I need to go to Atlanta first. Ugh!

This is going to be a very long day of flying around the USA. I have to go from Providence to Hotlanta, aka the ATL. Then from Hotlanta to Ontario, California. This would be easy if I didn't have a 2.75 hour layover in the ATL. They'd better have WiFi in the airport down there, because I don't feel like using my PocketPC-Phone to connect to the internet to update the blog...

Good morning from Providence. Running off of 4 hours of sleep. Time to get Jet-Lagged.

We headed on over to huntington beach... I love how people were at the beach in January.
Hell, it was 75 and sunny. Why the hell not.

Hi from California...
-Dave

Submitted By Traci Haddock
Traci : Here's a purdy picture to go up next to your lovely car accident ones.

Dave : Welcome home Traci, I'm glad you made it out of Florence in one piece. Did all of you know that the word "Florence" is actually a translation of old 16th century Italian that loosely translates into "platapus pubis". Yeah, true story... Very little known fact about Italy and how their cities are named.

Everybody welcome home Traci. She had a fantastic time in Florence, she rode scooters, ate spaghetti, drank jug wine, haggled with street vendors over trivial and non essential crap... What a magical vacation!

Everyone please take a moment to congratulate Jamie & Colleen, they're havin' a baby!

You all remember Jamie and Colleen, they were in the blog a couple weeks ago with the trophy!

So here's a convo that Jamie and I were having about the possible baby name for the new kiddo.

Ohh yeah, Jamie has an awesome buddy icon that everyone should use. Here it is...

Viewer Submission From Jamie

This shot was taken the other day. Xzhibit pimped his focus and added a new frame.

The guy still has his foot on the freakin brake! Honestly buddy, where in the hell do you think you're going... Your car is tipped on its side, you're completely wasted and there's no possible way you're getting out of this situation without a DUI.

Ohh yeah, thanks for almost killing me. Totally cool. You guys were almost making bumper stickers that said...

"A Drunk Driver Killed My Friend Dave... And Now We Can't Read Any New Entries To MMP"

Here's a little public service announcement from MMP...
Don't drive drunk or you might flip your 1997 Toyota Camry on its side and skid for 40 yards at 50 miles per hour into the opposite lane of traffic. Nice job, Ass-Hat. By the way, you're suppoed to keep all four of those wheels on the god damn ground!

Way to drive loaded.

So a car came skidding towards me at 50 mph tonight on its side in the opposite lane of traffic. I had to swerve around him at 50 mph in 3rd gear. I'm fine, focus is fine. This guys isn't. I was first on the scene, I'll post the story tomorrow. The car was on two wheels and then on its side for around 30-40 yards... COMING DIRECTLY AT ME.

Break out the jaws of life... And no, we're not talking about your mom this time.

So here's the boys in blue and the local PD, smashing the windows out of the Camry and then using the jaws of life to cut through the roof of this car like a knife through hot butter. The funny thing was that they really didn't need to cut the roof off of this car. The guy could have easily gotten out any of the other windows, I think the guys just wanted to teach this guy a lesson for driving drunk by making his car a convertible.

I was just setting up my new office and I figured I'd make my old-skool mac the centerpiece of attention on the shelf. This thing is from 1984 and it still works. I just need to find MAC OS 1.x. I can't seem to find it anywhere online and I want to get this baby working. It boots up and stuff, but then it looks for the OS and comes up with nada. If any fellow geeks are reading this and can hook a brotha up it would be greatly appreciated. So, know your roots guys. These things started off the whole PC thing back in the day. Just figured I would rock a little mac favoritism here in the blog seeing how it is Macworld week and all.

For some reason, I severely doubt that my pocket pc phone can cause the sophisticated mechanics and computers of a modern aircraft to size up and fail, thus causing the airplane to spiral out of control and crash into a hooters or something. How shit-tacular is a plane constructed if a $37 dollar Wal-Mart cd player can cause navigation equipment to stop working. I bet that all that sophisticated navigation equipment is really just a copy of "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiago" and they randomly go to the USA map to see where they're going.

Seriously, inext time I'm on a plane I'm just going to carry a backpack of turned on Game Boy's on during landing takeoff and landing. Maybe with all that electromagnetic interferance those fancy guidance and navigational computers up in cockpit land would fail and cause the plane to do something crazy...

Ohh wait, nothing would happen at all because it is complete bullshit.

Andrew and Leroy are just chillin on the couch. Soon after this picture was taken Leroy took a huge dump on Andrew. Just kidding.

Me wantie. Me likie.
Nobody has an excuse not to have a mac now. This is the new $500 Mini Mac from Apple. It has G5 power, a big hard drive, dvd player and cd burner. It is only 2.6 pounds.

Honestly, I can barely look at this thing without my eyes crossing...
I don't know who made this, but I'm going to load this picture on my pocket pc. That way, when I think I'm hammered I'll just turn the thing on and look down at this picture. She looks like Chunk from the Goonies with a clearer complexion and better hair.

Can you imagine what the earth would be like if ladies actually had two mouthes. I think every guy in the world would have driven a hot spike through their ears by the time they were 14.

Nothing like bluebird skies and long lift lines...

Why do I ride Mount Snow so much? Ohh that's right, it is free on my season pass, it isn't that far away (as long as I'm in Worcester) and they have the nastiest park in the East.

I saw some people get mangled today, it was great. This one guy ate about 30 yards of crap. He just kept falling and falling and tumbling. Ohh it was fantastic. I wish I carried my phone on the slope, I'd get some clutch video of that for you guys. What made it better was that he was skiing bumps and they had around 8 inches of new snow in them and he just kept pin balling off of them, kicking up snow while his equipment stayed on his feet. What an ass-hat.

At least Mount Snow is good for some things, like watching all the New Yorkers who ski once a season get f'ed up on terrain. They all wear the same god damn thing, starter jackets and denim jeans tucked into their rear entry boots. I don't know how these people do it, I wear some of the warmest North Face, Burton and Bonfire gear and I still get cold. These guys come in wearing a pair of 501's and a hockey jacket and they're good to go in -10 degree weather.

Well, they are probably warm because they're hammered...

Living in Rhode Island is great because I'm only 10 minutes from Work, however the drive to Vermont really really really sucks now. Almost 3 hours just to get to Mount Snow, Ugh. I used to get up at 7:30 and be there for 9:15. Now I've got to be out of the house by 6:30 at the latest to make it there, and then the drive home sucks even more because I'm dead tired. I think it is time to buy some property up North, I'm sick of all this driving day trip crap and hotel rooms. I just need to decide where I'm going to buy some property... You know I'll get my money out of the place, ha. I'll be there every weekend from November - late April.

Maybe it is time to move back to Worcester? Wachusett is only 20 minutes away, Mount Snow in under 2 hours... Not to mention WoTown rocks.

And now, since it is Monday here are some of the greatest excuses you can use when you call in sick.

# I was sprayed by a skunk.
# I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
# My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.
# I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
# I forgot to come back to work after lunch.
# I couldn't find my shoes.
# I hurt myself bowling.
# I was spit on by a venomous snake.
# I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.
# A hitman was looking for me.
# My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.
# I eloped.
# My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.
# My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
# I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
# I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.
# I forgot what day of the week it was.
# Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
# A tree fell on my car.
# My monkey died.

Meet the newest member to the Amirault family... Leroy Amirault. Andrew got a cat for Christmas and he finally got on down to pick one up. To quote someone from our family... "Sure brings a new meaning to black-pussy." Classic Amirault line, classic.

From Jeff Jeff Slinn
JEFF SLINN SCHOOL OF DRUNK DRIVING...we hold no responsiblity for anyone that is under the influence...

You know your game of ruit is serious when the winners get to hoist a triophy after winning. Yowza.

Attention Mapquest.com, you suck. Bigtime.
I needed directions to a client, they were only 2 miles away from the client that I was at. So I used mapquest to find the directions, it was only two miles away... What does mapquest do, it sends me halfway across the globe to the wrong friggin place, on the wrong frigging route, in the wrong frigging city.

Some of you may be thinking that I wasn't following the directions correctly... Well, I was. Becuause I was doing the turn by turn directions with a fargin map. I was right, mapquest was wrong.

So mapquest, here is what I think of you. Why don't you do all of us a favor and just admit that you have no clue what the hell you are talking about and that all you're really trying to do is have us drive around aimlessly. Ohh yeah, and while you're at it, you may want to fix that problem were your directions will print like 100 blank freakin pages