mischief, mayhem & pornography: July 2006

Found Porn : Channel 9 News

Friday, July 28, 2006 > Trackback URL

MMP regulars already know that I hold Denver's very own NBC 9 to an astronomically high standard with regard to editorial coverage (not). Occasionally I'll click over to their website to see if anything of importance is going on in Colorado and occasionally to check the weather forecast. Typically their website has some BS story that shouldn't be considered news and a zillion .gif ads blinking in my face. I can usually tune those out. However, last week there was one graphic on the homepage that almost made me spit my RedBull onto my monitor.

You've got to be kidding me. Who in their right mind would throw this on their homepage, they're just begging to have this submitted to Maxim for their "Found Porn" page. By the way, don't bother submitting it, I already did.

Dave Amirault : Yeah Amanda, let's have a MMP post about you staying up all night and taking your parents to the airport. Ha.

Thanks for the call.

Anonymous : hahaha....3am now. have i ever mentioned i love beer?

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More Kickin It With The Dumont

Wednesday, July 26, 2006 > Trackback URL

This is what it is like to hang out with girls who are completely out of your league. Another shot from last week's epic drunken adventures with Simon Dumont and company. This is the only picture from the entire week that doesn't feature us doing Southern Comform & Lime shots.

Looks like Simon is flashing Blue Steel , I'm throwing some variant of Le Tigra... Everyone else just has a plain ol' smile. Haven't these guys seen Zoolander?

Anonymous : jerard looks happy...

Anonymous : Two hot girls on each arm, I would hope he's happy.

Dave Amirault : With the amount of alcohol that Simon bought it was hard to not be happy. It was a tidal wave of SoCo & Lime.

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Why My Birthday Will Inevitably Suck

Tuesday, July 25, 2006 > Trackback URL

Ok, some of you may be aware (thanks to MySpace and Facebook) that tomorrow is my 25th birthday. While most people get psyched about their birthday, I am not. You may be wondering why I'm down about a day which should be filled with celebration and happiness. Well, let me put it as flat out as I can... Getting old sucks. I'm just not that psyched to be spending my birthday here in Boulder. Inevitably, I'll end up working all day (probably late) and ~~head out for dinner somewhere in town~~, go for a run and then sit at home and watch a disc 6 and 7 of season 3 of 24. Wow, way to burn up the town, Dave.

So, here's to me and my rockstar birthday. No cake, no ice cream, just another day. Hey, at least now I can get rental cars for decent prices.

JetBlue just sent me an e-mail... Flights home are on sale, $258 round trip. Looks like the credit card could be taking a hit at some point soon. That would be a nice birthday present to myself. I've got to use up that vacation time soon. Perhaps a Labor day trip home?

Anonymous : Birthdays some years do suck but believe me getting old really doesn't suck that much. Yeah recovery from playing to hard over the weekend takes a bit more time and the pain from too much booze seems to last all day now but other than that getting older is a good thing. You have a heck of a lot more street smarts and really you can give a damn what people think.

Dave Amirault : Wow, a positive and ensightful comment. I'd like to know who posted that one. It was far too kind to be the standard MMP viewer. Ha.

Thanks for the well wishes.

Anonymous : don't lie...you know who posted it by the ip...you're a techno geek geesh.

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J.Mac: Hotter Than A Pistol

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If you do not watch this video you are an evil son of a bitch. Seriously, it is a true story of an autistic high school basketball team assistant that gets put in the last 5 minutes of his team's game on senior night and kills it so hard that people check the roof for leaks... Because he made it rain 3 pointers.

This is one of the most amazing videos I have ever seen. J Mac, a true American hero.

Chris : And tomorrow night is J-Mac Bobblehead night at the Rochester Red Wings game.

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Count It.

Monday, July 24, 2006 > Trackback URL

Harvey, Nicole and I had an impromptu trampoline session in the backyard around sunset. Harvey was feeling very artistic and shot my recently learned cork 540 with his wide angle, a flash and some sick ass exposure. Kick-ass.

Photo Credit: Matt Harvey

Anonymous : That picture is awesome! How'd he do that?

Dave Amirault : Wide angle lens, Nicole holding the flash, and some of Harvey's camera trickery... And ohh yeah, I had a little bit to do with the photo.

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At least I'm responsible.

Friday, July 21, 2006 > Trackback URL

So, with The Dumont in town we've been doing a little bit of entertaining. As most of you are aware with my last post, we've been banging down shots like they're going out of style. Not sure if you guys knew this, but when you're out drinking all night it is a little difficult to get up in the morning. Since I'm the ever so responsible employee I issued this semi-global email to my co-workers at 2:55 AM informing them that I would not be early to work. I miraculously made it in at around 9:15 and banged out a quick 9 hours of work. How productive.

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The Dumont Loves Shots

Thursday, July 20, 2006 > Trackback URL

We've had the pleasure of hosting "The Dumont" this week here at Freeskier HQ and have been going out every night that he has been here. I'm not a huge fan of partying on a work night, however when x-games gold medalists are in town you make an exception.

So, we've pretty much been boozing on a nightly basis. Why you may ask, becuase thats what The Dumont wants to do. Boulder is a party town, we've got more bars than you can shake a stick at and Simon wanted to visit them all. However the tricky thing about boozin with The Dumont is that he only drinks shots, PERIOD. So when you go out with this cat you better bring your A-game because he doesn't bat an eye when it comes to telling the bartender that he needs THREE DOZEN SO-CO AND LIME SHOTS. As a matter of fact, last night he probably bought over 4 dozen shots for everyone.

Needless to say, we all got pretty f-ed up. Harvey slept on somebody's lawn for a couple of hours, Simon turned into "That Guy" on a nightly basis and me... Well, let's just say that when Harvey stumbled home at 7:45 AM for work and told me to wake up I got pissed that he was waking me up so early on a Saturday morning... It was a Wednesday.

Anonymous : Sounds familiar..woke up at 3pm and thought i was "early" to get the first chair up to the glacier that day..same person is responsible for the shots

Anonymous : pro careers are hella short. maybe he should save some dough.

Anonymous : isnt that kid like 15? and from maine??

Anonymous : the dumont is now 20 i believe...how time flies from his sr lil brat days. thank god he's grown up

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Jackpot!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006 > Trackback URL

Everybody here likes Starburst candies. If you don't, then you're some sort of freak. They're right up there with Skittles and Snickers bars. The only bad thing about Starbursts is that there is one flavor that sucks ass in comparison to the others... You all know what I'm talking about, you've ripped open a sleeve of these two packs only to get an anomaly I like the call the "double snake eyes". I am, of course, referring to the yellow flavor.

I am convinced that they over produce the flavor for the two packs just so you have a 50% chance that when you tear the packaging you're going to get a yellow one. This must be my lucky day because I hit the jackpot and managed to pull a double cherry. In the world of candies this is like winning the lotto. No double yellow for me, no stupid yellow and pink or yellow and cherry... Today, my friends, I scored bigtime.

Anonymous : nah its definitely all about the double pinks

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Note To 9 News: This is NOT News

Friday, July 14, 2006 > Trackback URL

Moving to Colorado has taught me something about the East Coast, more spefically the eastern corridor from NYC to Boston... There is REAL news. Here in Denver, the dumbest shit finds its way to front page headlines. Take this "news" for example...

Man nearly drowns after trying to show children diving board trick
WESTMINSTER - A man nearly drowned in a neighborhood pool Thursday after witnesses say he tried to show children how to do a flip off the diving board.

The Westminster Fire Department says it happened at the swimming pool in the Hyland Green neighborhood at 9800 Yates St. around 2:15 p.m.

Witnesses say while trying to flip off the diving board the man hit the water on his back. After floating to the surface, staff members noticed he was not moving, according to the fire department.

They started CPR until paramedics arrived and transported the man to an area hospital.

The man's identity and condition were not immediately released.
The Westminster Fire Department wants to remind people to be cautious while at a swimming pool.

You've got to be freakin' kidding me. What is next, "Man burns hand in horiffic backyard grilling accident" or maybe perhaps "19 Year old Denver native suffers excruciating hangnail". Here's a heads up to Channel 9 News, when it is a slow news day try to find something meaningful. This shit isn't news.

Ugh, I'm headed over to Boston.com, at least they know what the hell news constitutes. If any of you get bored and want to see how shitty news is here in Colorado, head over to www.9news.com and witness the boredom that is Denver news.

Somebody in this state needs to kill someone or create some sort of scandal. There's only so many stories I can take about kittens, road construction and Pete Coors getting a DUI.

Anonymous : Now this is a fucked up editorial agenda:

"It should come as no surprise then, that news of triple-digit temperatures has almost entirely eclipsed news of the coming Armageddon in Lebanon, with editors across the state searching daily for new weather angles. So far, I have read reports on the difficulty of making meringue in hot weather, the phenomenon of trees being used as shade, the exact number of megawatts consumed during late afternoon (5,171), and the oddity of California surfers not wearing wetsuits. Not to mention the revelation that Long Beach residents are buying portable fans from hardware stores." (The Times)

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If Hitler Had A Mullet

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Occasionally, my brother sends me ridiculous picture messages. Sometimes they're inappropriate, humorous and generally brighten up my day when I see the incoming pix message indicator on my phone. This is one of those picture messages...

So, here he is folks. What Hitler would look like if he had a mullet.

The resemblance is uncanny. Good work, Andrew. Keep it up. Just don't adopt any of his other traits... Ya know, like killing millions of jews.

Anonymous : hahahahah yeah andrew

Anonymous : hahaha yeah andrew

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Fun with Photo Booth

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MacBook Pro's come with a neat little application called "Photo Booth". This program takes control over the integrated camera that is embedded above the screen of the computer. The program has tons of neat visual effects so you can look fat, skinny, distorted, black and white and some pretty sweet other effects that you can play with. Andrew stumbled upon this program while he was messing with my new computer and tested every effect possible. Here are some of the highlights.

Andrew punching me in the face with such Norris like force that it distorts the right half of my dome.

Apparently, this is what Andrew would look like if he had down syndrome. If you ask me, it is sort of an improvement.

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Jess & Joe's Wedding

Thursday, July 13, 2006 > Trackback URL

It is always fun when your friends get married! Last week, Jess and Joe got married in CT. The wedding was amazing, she did a great job planning it. The ceremony was in a sweet church, the hall was beautiful and had great food, open bar, a great DJ and to top it all off a gigantic table of candy with goodie bags so you could stack up for the ride home. To make things even sweeter, Jess' mom rented out half a floor at the Hilton so none of us would have to drive home. You can be assured that John and I were taking full advantage of the open bar scenario. I don't think I've drank so many Long Island's and Johnny Walker's in my life. Good times.

The wedding and reception went so well, everyone in the wedding party decided to head out to the bar aftwards for even more drinks. It was funny to see Jess at the wedding in her gown and I couldn't believe how many people asked her if she just got married... Are they freakin idiots, she's wearing a wedding gown. I would have said that I was simply celebrating Halloween a few months earlier with several friends in matching dresses and suits. We stayed out retardedly late, got super-tanked and had a great time.

Jen & John are next on the wedding block, July 2008. They have assured me that they are having open bar, best of all... The wedding takes place at Assumption. Can somebody say "Drunk Club Reunion"?

Sorry there aren't many shots from the wedding and the reception, they had wedding photographers so I figured that aspect was covered. When I noticed that they weren't going out to the bar afterwards I got a little shutter crazy. Oh well, just more memories for their scrapbook!

Here is a gallery of 58 pictures from the wedding.

Anonymous : OPEN BAAAAAAAR!

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Exploding Bin Laden Noggin

Wednesday, July 12, 2006 > Trackback URL

You all know how the saying goes...

Celebrate your countries independence by blowing a small piece of it up.

Well, my friends... I give you the greatest 4th of July novelty explosive EVER. The Exploding Bin Laden Noggin. This lovely item can be purchased in New Hampshire for just a few measly dollars and allows you to express your utter disdain for Osama Bin Laden by blowing up his dome. Run a flag up the pole, let an apple pie cool on the windowsill and drive your SUV to the neighbors house because this baby lets you proudly express your patriotism and hate for terrorism all at the same time. Sweet.

Anonymous : You totally stole that quote from the simpsons!

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So, how was your vacation?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 > Trackback URL

If I had to sum it up in one word, that word would be... BUSY.

Major update coming later tonight once I leave work and have time to sort through the drunken memories, pictures, text messages and reciepts from my tornado-esque trip home.

Stay tuned.

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Now boarding

Monday, July 03, 2006 > Trackback URL

Now boarding, over an hour and a half late, to Boston.
JetBlue thought it would be cool to delay the flight last night. It really didn't bother me since I was just popping two sleeping pills and passing out on the flight. I now have 75 trueblue frequent flyer points... Only 25 more and I get a free round trip flight anywhere JetBlue goes.

Off to Boston.

Anonymous : what up dave? hows boston? must be nice going home to visit la familia. anyways when you get back and have a free weekend me you mike and benr should all get together and party. let me know man

Bry

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Vacation Plans

Saturday, July 01, 2006 > Trackback URL

Here is the tentative schedule for my return home!

Monday: Arrival at 6:30 AM. Staying in Brighton on Monday.
Tuesday: Hang in Brighton for the morning then head to Rhode Island in the afternoon.
Wednesday: Rhode Island / Worcester?
Thursday: Vermont
Friday: Jess' Wedding with Jen, John, Murray, Julie and Melissa.
Saturday: Rhode Island and then to Ryan's Cabin in Mass with Chris, Traci, Dan and maybe Tom.
Sunday: Rhode Island
Monday: Rhode Island & Headed back to CO.

These plans are subject to change. So if you want to get in on any of the festivities, please let me know.

Anonymous : i wonder if uncle steve will let you sleep in his room

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