Note To 9 News: This is NOT News

Moving to Colorado has taught me something about the East Coast, more spefically the eastern corridor from NYC to Boston... There is REAL news. Here in Denver, the dumbest shit finds its way to front page headlines. Take this "news" for example...

Man nearly drowns after trying to show children diving board trick
WESTMINSTER - A man nearly drowned in a neighborhood pool Thursday after witnesses say he tried to show children how to do a flip off the diving board.

The Westminster Fire Department says it happened at the swimming pool in the Hyland Green neighborhood at 9800 Yates St. around 2:15 p.m.

Witnesses say while trying to flip off the diving board the man hit the water on his back. After floating to the surface, staff members noticed he was not moving, according to the fire department.

They started CPR until paramedics arrived and transported the man to an area hospital.

The man's identity and condition were not immediately released.

The Westminster Fire Department wants to remind people to be cautious while at a swimming pool.


You've got to be freakin' kidding me. What is next, "Man burns hand in horiffic backyard grilling accident" or maybe perhaps "19 Year old Denver native suffers excruciating hangnail". Here's a heads up to Channel 9 News, when it is a slow news day try to find something meaningful. This shit isn't news.

Ugh, I'm headed over to Boston.com, at least they know what the hell news constitutes. If any of you get bored and want to see how shitty news is here in Colorado, head over to www.9news.com and witness the boredom that is Denver news.

Somebody in this state needs to kill someone or create some sort of scandal. There's only so many stories I can take about kittens, road construction and Pete Coors getting a DUI.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 14, 2006 at Friday, July 14, 2006. You can skip to the end and leave a response.

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12:00 PM

Now this is a fucked up editorial agenda:

"It should come as no surprise then, that news of triple-digit temperatures has almost entirely eclipsed news of the coming Armageddon in Lebanon, with editors across the state searching daily for new weather angles. So far, I have read reports on the difficulty of making meringue in hot weather, the phenomenon of trees being used as shade, the exact number of megawatts consumed during late afternoon (5,171), and the oddity of California surfers not wearing wetsuits. Not to mention the revelation that Long Beach residents are buying portable fans from hardware stores." (The Times)    



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