Ok, so today Smitty sends me this e-mail with a link in it and all the e-mail says is "try not to piss yourself". Naturally, I click the e-mail expecting some outstanding form of entertainment and all it has is a page with 24 things you didn't know about Vin Diesel. While I personally want to see Vin Diesel and his movies be banished from the planet Earth, I did find this link particularly entertaining.

So, without further adeu, here are 24 things you didn't know about Vin Diesel.

1. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
   
2. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
   
3. Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.
   
4. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
   
5. Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
6. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
   
7. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
8. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
9. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
10. When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
    
11. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
    
12. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
13. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
14. Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
    
15. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
    
16. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
17. It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
18. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
19. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
20. When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
    
21. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
    
22. Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
23. Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
24. When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
    

This entry was posted on Monday, November 14, 2005 at Monday, November 14, 2005. You can skip to the end and leave a response.