Hey everyone...
I'm going to be gone for a couple days and won't have internet access. I'll be down in NYC for JSL's funeral and wake. Since Herberger doesn't have a broadband internet connection at his parents house I am S.O.L.

So, I leave you with some Mr. T facts...

1. The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
2. Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
3. Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
4. Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
5. Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
6. Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
7. Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
8. When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
9. Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
10. Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
11. Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
12. Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
13. Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can't explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
14. Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
15. Mr. T wasn't born, he shed a woman.
16. Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
17. Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
18. Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.
19. 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
20. Mr. T once stared at a woman for three seconds. She instantly became pregnant.
21. Mr. T recently went on fear factor. Not as a guest, but as an obstacle. Apparently the contestents had to stare at Mr. T's bling for at least 1 second. The show was cancelled to to lack of participation.
22. On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
23. Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
24. Contrary to popular belief, the ancient world knew of 5 elements, not 4. They were earth, air, fire, water and pity. Mr. T invented them all.
25. In Rocky III, there is a scene where Mr. T invites Adrian, played by Talia Shire, to come over to his apartment "to see what a real man is like". This scene had to be shot an astounding 137 times due to the fact that Shire kept repeatedly tearing her clothes off, jumping on Mr. T, and begging for "the chocolate sauce".
26. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
27. Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
28. Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
29. There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

[Here is a wonderful picture of Mr. T on the Today show, no doubt threatening Matt Lauer's life. Please note that Mr. T brought a golden throne to sit on, since he in fact, is a king amongst mortals like Matt Lauer.]

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 15, 2005 at Thursday, December 15, 2005. You can skip to the end and leave a response.